When Allah subhana wa ta’ala created the world, first and foremost Allah presented this event which was the birth of Hazrat Adam alayhi salam. Allah ta’ala then allowed Hazrat Adam alayhi salam to stay in paradise, and to eat and drink and relax in comfort. Thirdly Allah subhana wa ta’ala arranged the nikah with Hazrat Hawwa alayhi salam. This was in preparation for sending him onto the earth. This is an event at the beginning of time and before married life began. Hazrat Adam alayhi salam wasn’t sent on his own to the dunya. Allah ta’ala’s hikmah was to send him with a companion. Allah ta’ala wanted to populate the earth so Allah ta’ala made this couple. Hazrat Adam alayhi salam and Hazrat Hawwa alayhi salam were sent together to the world. The whole world, and you can say life, is based on this initiation. Life in the world is based on this initiation. Marriage and married life is the most important lifestyle in this world. Our home, our children, their tarbiya and spiritual progression, the ma’ashirah, the environment, the society; everything is based on, and hinges on this relationship. If this married life is good, then the home is comfortable and peaceful. Even outside the home; ma’ashirah and society will be fine, children will be fine, the country is fine, in fact the whole environment and society is based on a good and positive married life. Just think of how important this feature of life is, that the whole world and the way it progresses, peace and comfort, all of this hinges on married life. All of this hinges on the husband and wife and the success of their relationship. This is indeed a fantastic relationship.
Allah ta’ala sent us to this world and we have to live in this world. So tell me; without guidance and methodology how can we live our lives? How will we succeed in the world with this relationship? I gave you the example yesterday that if you purchase a machine, it comes with an instruction booklet. For example a car, which has a manual. Now If you utilise that machinery wrong against its design it will breakdown and fail. In all situations you have to follow the handbook, or the manual for the principles of operation. Allah subhana wa ta’ala also sent us to this world, and Allah arranged the guidance for us. That was the Shariah of Nabi karim sallalahu alayhi wa salaam. His (sallallahu alayhi wa salam) Shariah and law, and principles and ways. This is the instruction manual that Allah ta’ala has given to us in this world. Wherever you are, and whatever you are doing, you can live your life properly with this guidance book. So, at the very beginning Allah arranged the marriage, and the mahr, the dowry for this marriage was Darood paak sallalahu alayhi wa salam. In other words, this was the hint and the advance news that there is so much barakah and blessings which will come into the life of a muslim man and woman. There will be blessings and barakah in all the events due to this Darood. To have connection with the holy Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam and to embrace his Shariah is the hint that Allah gave here when the mahr of the marriage was Darood. This was the way to maintain the relationship and have success in the married life, to have that lifestyle. So the biggest guidance that was given to us was the holy Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam’s it-tibah; to have obedience and follow him.
Those people who don’t believe in Allah obviously they are not going to follow the shariah are they? Their situation is different, and it’s a different route because they don’t accept the Shariah. What law will they have in their life, and what guidance will they have? What will be the situation between the husband and the wife and what will be the connection between them? What will be their relationship and how will they live together? In which way will they spend their time together? You can see the answer around us. Where there is no principle, no law, no structure and no framework, in its place they will make-up their own rules and laws. Tell me; what are the rules and laws of the world in comparison to Allah’s law. Tell me how they can they equate together. Where is Allah’s kitaab and His court and His decisions and where is the brain of the human being. Where is the supreme and beautiful system of Allah subhana wa ta’ala. Does it make sense to equate the two, does it make sense to leave that and go after the brain? We can see in the married life today that there is a lack of peace and a lack of harmony. We cannot imagine how today the whole society is destroyed and broken down. We don’t know about the woman and we don’t know about the man. We don’t know about life and we don’t know about the children. No-one knows about rules and principles, nothing at all. Instead we see a totally devoid, ajeeb, up and down and destructive society today. And to hide this lack of peace we use thousands of techniques. We use thousands of ways of trying to hide things. Look at the conditions around us and in front of our eyes. There is ONE reason for this; because we have no law, no principle, no direction and no framework or structure. We have been given a great structure and we have left that and use man made laws in its place. We use man-made opinions and man-made ways of life. Everyone is upset, and there are ups and downs and distress. This is the nizaam of life, the system of life and the cycle of life. Why have these people gone astray? Because they have no system.
So those are the people who didn’t accept Allah’s laws. They didn’t accept Allah and they didn’t accept the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam. But when it comes to us people, we have the whole system, yet we are even worse than them. Why? Because we have left the obedience of Allah and his Rasul sallalahu alayhi wa salam. We have left the shariah and we have started their naql. In other words, to the extreme we have left the good and gone to the bad. Every qawm and nation has some good traits and good habits. Yes we could look at it that way, but the reality is we don’t even look at the bad or the good, we just totally mix everything up. We have left our deen and we will just do whatever they are doing. The consequence of that is divorce, and quarrels and disputes on small points. The women stands-up and challenges, and the concept of marriage has gone. They prefer friendship and partnership and to live as colleagues, and that’s what we have amongst us today. We prefer to stay free and we call this freedom. We see the consequences of this today that the child doesn’t even know who his father or his mother is. We find that orphanages are filled-up with children where the parents discard them and leave them. Allah ta’ala has given us such a big punishment in the world for not following the Shariah. At the initiation of the world Allah gave the example of Hazrat Adam and Hawwa alayhi salam’s marriage, and their partnership and bond. But we have left that today and we see the destruction. We can’t even see what the reality is, and what’s right and wrong.
People are giving divorces to each other. Everywhere you go, you will hear him or her say; oh I am a divorcee. Why? Because this is the system that they have. They have a get-out clause. They come into this country or to a certain place and straight away they will go to the court and go according to their law. There will be no differentiation and no respect for Allah’s Shariah, the deen and Allah’s noor. They will take the divorce and people will boast; I have possession of the house, I have these assets and this much money from the divorce. I have these assets and I have these funds. And after the divorce they will live such a horrible and hollow life. That life of shariah which is connected to the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam, the women folk leave that with their easy divorce, and live their so-called lives of freedom. Islam does give ijaaza, but in the hadeeth the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam said that this is the worst scenario of all halal things. This is the worst-case scenario, and only at the extreme point where you are forced to, should you take that direction. You should not even think about divorce or separation. If you are forced, for example there is a severe scenario at home and a serious problem where it is extremely difficult to live together, only then should you start to think about this. And even then, there is a tareeqa that the Quran has prescribed. There is a time frame, to do mashwara, to consult, and to give it some time and another opportunity. Then consult again. From the boy’s side the mother and father will come and likewise from the girls side. They will ask the reasons to the son and to the daughter. There is a big circle of support to try and save that marriage. We should only consider a divorce in the worst-case scenario, and what a big decision that is. It’s a massive decision. The family life breaks-up and splits. This is the foundation of family life so you can’t just give divorce hastily. Unfortunately, today, it’s a shame to see this is so prevalent in our society. There is so much haraam goin-on; after divorce people come back together and say the divorce didn’t take place. They get fatwas from scholars and people who are liars. They go to false Molvi’s and seek a way out. This is the worst thing, and this is haraam and unlawful. People will do halaala. The way that people do this is wrong. Allah ta’ala says the people who do these things are like the serpents. They are the worst people because they try to turn unlawful into lawful. There are people who are ready to do this, and they go to these people who are professionals. They give prescriptions and ways out to people that are away from the deen.
We have all this going on around us today and this is a punishment from Allah because we have left the Shariah of Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam. We don’t know that to live together after divorce is a big sin. It is zinah and adultery and a person is doing this for the rest of his life, despite the divorce having taken place. Think about the reason for this. Those who give these fatwas, that’s for them to say what they want, but you should think what is the reason behind this? A person should not have gone down that route in the first place. If a person follows the shariah and deen of Allah, then he will never get to the position where he is living such a life. So why does this arise? Because we are following the other ways and the effects of leaving the shariah have come into our life, and this is Allah’s punishment. A person’s life gets spoilt because he is following these principles and rules. Whereas we will see that our Shariah and our deen is very far from this sort of nafsiati life.
So this is a very important topic and that’s why I am talking to you about this and discussing this with you. In our society the relationship between husband and wife goes down a sacred and honourable path. What a beautiful relationship that Allah ta’ala initiated in Jannah. This is a beautiful and great relationship which is the foundation of a person’s life. The family life is a happy life, and there will be tarbiya of the children. The husband and wife will live together and be an assistance for each other, and they will be together until the grave. And even when they go to Jannah in the hereafter Allah will not separate them. A person may not be with his mother, his sister, or his in-laws, but the husband and wife will live together and meet each other in Jannah. Look how everlasting and strong this relationship between the husband and wife is. Allah started this partnership and relationship in paradise, and it continued into the world. It will then return to the same place, and they will live together in paradise. In other words, this relationship will never end. When a person takes a woman in nikah, it is in the name of Allah and they will stick to each other. They cannot separate and they will not separate. And it’s very easy to fulfil this relationship when we take the laws of the Shariah. It’s a beautiful life between the husband and wife. But despite this a person says it is difficult to maintain the relationship. But if you take the guidance from Allah and Allah’s deen then it is not hard to maintain the relationship. Shaytan will try to put you off and put cracks into the relationship between the husband and wife. He will put differences and doubts, and when this happens, we should straightaway run to the Shariah for the solution. If a woman is attacked by shaytan she should take hold of the shariah. If a man is affected by shaytan he should run to the shariah for the solution instead of making noise and following his nafs and desires and freaking out. If you have fikr for the aakhira and If you want success in the aakhira then take hold of the solution from the shariah.
So there are many reasons for this relationship breaking down. We are affected by the ghair and the strangers very quickly. When we leave the shariah because we feel that their way is better and easier, then look at the conclusion. We have lived amongst hindus and we have seen a culture in India and in Pakistan. We have taken so many parts from their culture and included this in our deen. Baraat, mehndi and banging of the instruments have nothing to do with Islam, nothing at all. He who brought this deen (sallalahu alayhi wa salam) also married his daughters. Did he sallalahu alayhi wa salam do mehndi for Hazrat Fatimah radhyallahu anhu? Did he do a gathering and mangni and drums and singing and clamour and noise? So if we are living a life on deen today, then should we start dancing and singing and playing music? Should women go on stage and start jumping up and down? Men and woman dancing together, jumping up and down. Tell me if we start a marriage like this will there be barakah in that marriage? Will the children be obedient to the deen? Will we be safe from divorce and will we be safe from fighting and quarrelling? How can it be? Impossible? Marriage is a big part of Islam. The wedding is an ibaadah that Allah ta’ala has given to us via the tareeqa of Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam.
Allah says in the Quran;
وَقُلۡنَا يَٰٓـَٔادَمُ ٱسۡكُنۡ أَنتَ وَزَوۡجُكَ ٱلۡجَنَّةَ وَكُلَا مِنۡهَا رَغَدًا حَيۡثُ شِئۡتُمَا وَلَا تَقۡرَبَا هَٰذِهِ ٱلشَّجَرَةَ فَتَكُونَا مِنَ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ
Surah Baqara ayah 35
Allah said oh Adam stay with your wife in Jannah and eat freely. So what is the origin of this dancing, nakedness, jumping up and down and music at the time of the marriage. These are all shaytanee criminality and sins. If you don’t go to the wedding, they are upset. Even deen daar, religious people will go to that wedding or that function. The marriage is a beautiful religious ceremony. The barat where the men folk go to the women folk; there is no concept like this in Islam. There is just one thing and that was demonstrated by Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam which was the walima after the marriage. It’s simple, with no noise and glamour, and just a few people and close relatives. Call whoever you can and afford. Bring them together to celebrate the consummation of the marriage. This is the walima. But we love the ways of the ghair and this has a big effect on us. So we leave the ways of the shariah and now the family arguments start. When the marriage takes place the husband and wife want to be together, but they are influenced by the nafsiyaati ways of the boys and girl’s parents. Their influence is so much that they want to leave them. The boys side guide him, and the girls side guide her. They will influence him and inject him with poison, and they will destroy the relationship and the marriage. They destroy the marriage. Even if the husband and wife want to make it work. This is haraam. Look at the style of Hazrat Fatimah radhyallahu anhu, Rasulullah sallahu alayhi wa salam sent her away and she was separate. The same was with the other daughters of Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam after they were married. Look at the honourable lives of the sahaaba ikraam radhyallahu anhu. They didn’t live with their in-laws and there were no dramas and stories.
This is a part of akhlaaq that when a daughter comes to your home, it’s not necessary that she takes the burden of everybody on her head. There is akhlaaq and there are rights of akhlaaq as well. For example, If the wife gets married into a family, and the husband’s parents are da-eef and weak and need assistance. Obviously its good for her to help, but it’s not fardh upon her. There is akhlaaq and the girl can help and earn thawab and earn the pleasure of her husband. This is akhlaaq and manners and good conduct. She will obviously serve and help. If there are good manners on the other side, then obviously she will help. But if the boys side have bad akhlaaq and criticise her. If the mother-in-law teaches her son, and puts him against her and creates fitnah, then the home is destroyed. The biggest fitnah is to destroy the marriage, whether it be the mother of the wife or the mother of the husband. It’s the biggest sin to break the marriage relationship. And in the Quran very strong rules and ahkaams have come regarding this. That let them do how they want and don’t interfere. The mother or father of the boy or girl stick their leg in and destroy the relationship. As soon as the marriage takes place, they want to make her the servant. Clean the clothes and dishes, clean the house and clean the toilets. There is no concept of this in Islam. The best thing is that after marriage, the husband and wife should live separately. Who said to bring her into the home and make her live with the in-laws and stick her in the house? Then why won’t fitnah arise because this is all not the Shariah. After marriage, yes the daughter should leave her home and go to the in-laws, but then the husband should be told as well to take his wife and live together. When she meets the parents of the boy, if they have good akhlaaq then she will give good akhlaaq in return. She will give good manners and treat them nicely as well. But we don’t have this concept. We say that she must stay with us and clean the dishes and clean the clothes. She must clean the house and this and that. These are all her tasks and duties. Kullu haraam don’t do this because all of these actions are unlawful. It is not jaiz, to oppress the wife and to do zulm on the daughter-in-law. You are not giving her haq. This is not haq and you have no right to oppress her in this way and to demand this from her.
So for this reason quarrels start, disputes start, fasaad starts and divorce results. The boy who is the husband is stupid and foolish, he has no aqal and he is obeying his parents. Ok, yes, do kidmat of your parents but don’t oppress your wife. It’s the haq of your parents to look after them but at the same time you need to keep your wife happy. Keep her pleased and at the same time teach manners to your wife, that she should also serve your parents. This is fardh on the husband. But if the husband is a monkey, then how is he going to fulfil the rights of the parents or the wife? If you want your wife to serve your parents then you should keep her happy. First look after her, serve her and fulfil he rights. Run after her and do extra for her and go over the top. Then she will obviously assist your parents and help your parents, but you can’t force her because that is haraam. You can’t force her to do that. To make food or make tea for your father. Or to do this or that, this is all wrong. Give your love to her so she herself will say that she would like to serve your father and serve your parents because they are elderly. Automatically the love increases. But when the mother-in-law and the sister-in-law argue with you wife saying that she must stay and work and she can’t go home, then they have no right to do this. This is not an Islamic society, in fact this will destroy the society of Islam. This is the biggest destruction.
This is balance and this is justice, and this is the topic that I am discussing with you brothers. So this is ma-aashara of an Islamic society. Shariah and Sunnah teaches us about the ma-aashara. We have to follow that guidance, not that we leave the deen, and take the ghair strange ways. We say there is no freedom for the women. We say the women doesn’t get her rights. We are going to the other side saying oh we are forcing the women, we don’t give them the rights. Oh foolish people! The haq and rights that Allah and Islam have given to the women no-one can give them those rights. Why do you go naked and run into the shopping centres and marketplaces? This is not right, this is not haq. Allah ta’ala has given you the 4 walls of the home. Oh woman the best way of living, the best secure way, is to have modesty and shame. Is this prison? You think marriage is imprisonment? Is it? Has Allah ta’ala not given marriage for a fruitful and successful society or does Allah want to do zulm on the woman. Women will shout that we want the same rights as men and we want to go out. Islam gives equal rights to men and women. Totally equal rights Islam gives to the man and woman. In Islam the woman has the same level as the man. Equal rights, whether its rights of the world or the hereafter or in paradise. In no place has Allah put a difference between a man and a woman. Both thrive in the circle of life. Yes the roles are different and the way to live is different. But the rights are the same, remember this point. In the world the rights are the same, and in Jannah they are the same. Allah hasn’t said that the man is higher and he will get more reward. No, rather Allah has said;
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ .....
Surah nisah verse 34
That the woman and the man, the female and the male, none of them are higher or better than the other. Rather the man and woman have equal rights but different roles. Difference in the lifestyle. Difference in the birth, difference in power, difference in their energy and difference in their faraidh. Allah has kept difference in the faraidh of the man and woman. Different roles and different lifestyles, but also equal rights because this is the shariah. For example, Hazrat Hawwa alayhi salam said that I have been created oh Adam (alayhi salam) so that I can give you comfort, and you can give me peace and happiness. So he (alayhi salam) is giving the haq and she (alayhi salam) is giving the haq. Allah ta’ala has given them roles, but different roles. Unique roles but the rights are the same. Allah says that both sexes have rights; the man has the rights and the woman has the rights. The men are not higher in status; their rights are in fact equal to the woman. Equal rights, but the roles are different. This is what we need to understand. So there are specific roles that the man has to fulfil for the woman and there are specific rights that the woman has to fulfil for the husband. Both have to fulfil them and complete them and implement them. So how do we do this? Islam comprehensively teaches us what the rights are for the wife and the rights of the husband. There are punishments if the woman doesn’t fulfil her rights and likewise if the husband doesn’t fulfil his rights. So who has imprisoned the women, how can Islam imprison the woman? This is a great great way, that Islam has given for the man and the woman.
Let me mention a great blessing for the woman folk; when Islam gave the instruction for the women. On which maqam and how Allah spoke about the woman. This was on the final Hajj, Hajul-widda, and instructions were given in the final sermon of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam. What a great opportunity on the occasion of the final hajj. The Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam gave the statement during the hajj, that regarding your woman you must fear Allah. The woman folk are a trust to you. Allah has given the woman folk as a trust to you. You have made a promise and Allah ta’ala has given them to you as a protection. Allah ta’ala says you have to protect and safeguard them. Hazrat Amr ibn al-As radhyallahu anhu said that at the time of Hajj the Prophet sallalahu alayhi was salam recited Hamd and Thana and gave the bayan that listen carefully, listen carefully that I am giving you an advice that I exhort you to do good with your women. Treat your woman nicely, fairly and properly. And you should not oppress your woman folk. What a great right the Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam gave to the women folk. Now if people don’t implement that than that is a different matter.
In the same way there were 3 things that Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam gave Naseehat and direction upon; the importance of Salah was the first. Salah, Salah, Salah! And number 2 was to fear Allah with regards to how we treat our woman folk. This is a trust that Allah ta’ala has given to us.
So the haqooq and rights are very important. The Hajjul-widda was a great occasion and event, and you can say the most important and symbolic point at that time was the law that was established with regards to the rights of women. Allah’s Nabi sallalahu alayhi wa salam stated
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي
This is a hadeeth in Tarmidhi that the best man from amongst all of you - Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi was salam didn’t mention all night worship, or keeping the fasts all year long, or nafl or voluntary fasts. Not going Hajj regularly, or performing the most tawaaf, or the most ilm or knowledge - No, the best man amongst you is someone else. Just imagine; Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam is defining someone as the best man and this is in Tarmidhi. So what ibaadah is it, as a result of which Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi was salam is saying that he is the best man? SubhanAllah it is the person who has fulfilled the rights of his wife, SubhanAllah. Yet we are like monkeys where we pray our salah and fast, but we keep our wives unhappy. We oppress them and do zulm. The best man is he who presents himself in the best way with his family. Again Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam said the best man amongst you is he who presents himself nicely with his household members. SubhanAllah what a great ibaadah Allah has given and this is worship. Now are you allowed to make your wife like a slave and beat her with sticks and force her to do things? No, we must keep within the right circle. How can you become so violent and aggressive in front of the wife? Allah said where did I say that you are greater than her or stronger than her? Yes you are stronger physically because you have to work in the world physically. Your rights are more, so you have to fulfil more rights for the woman remember this. Allah says the responsibilities of the man are more. There are not as much responsibilities for the woman as there are for the man. Based on his maqam and status, Allah has given man certain strengths and capabilities. So haqooq and rights are a very important subject for us to understand. Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam has given us this guidance and we need to learn this guidance. First and foremost the husband will be asked on the day of judgement that did you fulfil the rights of your wife at home? Which rights did you fulfil? One haq is to give her a home to live and give her some expenditure. Give her food to eat. She has no earnings and she has no house. She has got nothing. Not that he becomes a chaudhary and says I have got married and she doesn’t listen to my hukm. Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu narrated a hadeeth in Bukhari which I will explain to you; that when some of the wealth came via Khaybar then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi was salam gave expense to his wives. There would be dates at home and he sallalahu alayhi wa salam would distribute their share. He sallalahu alayhi wa salam would give them dates and expense for the year or a duration of time. But instead we spend on ourselves and speak about others and don’t give anything to our wives. We just ask the wife to claim from social security and whatever comes from there is hers.
We imitate the way of others and look at the situation of our society as a result. To give the women education is not wrong. As long as there is no ghair mahram, there is no problem in gaining education. Make sure the woman doesn’t have to go to a place without pardah. If there is education within the shariah environment, then that’s fine. But to make someone a doctor, or a dentist or an accountant so that she earns, so that she leaves the home and earns then that is not her right. Even after marriage she is running around and earning. She is going amongst menfolk and the husband who is bagairat and without modesty is at home. She is earning and paying the mortgage and paying the expenses of the home and paying for the husband’s expenses. What is the husband doing? He is sat at home, doing nothing and being bone-idle. The holy Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam physically implanted the deen. For example he gave the expenses for the year, he would give food and a house to stay.
So Shariah has very clear guidelines and has restricted the man to fulfil the rights of the women. He must fulfil the rights of the women in a restrictive mode. He must provide all the expense and necessities of the home. He must deal with all issues in the home and the children’s upbringing. The man has to fulfil all of that and he will be asked about this and he will be questioned about this. In the same way Allah has made a balance and equilibrium and there are rights on the other side too. If a man comes under the feet of the parents and he starts to abuse his wife, then he is a waster.
Now if we look at the wife -The husband has been explained with the tirmidhi hadeeth that the best person is the one who has good akhlaaq and good manners with his wife – So for the wife we need to think this as well. Hawwa alayhi salam was created from the left rib of Adam alayhi salam. As I have told previously nature, fitrat continues throughout the ages. So it’s the habit of women to be stubborn and not to be straightforward all of the time. This is in the fitrat, in the nature of the woman. She is not an angel and even she has her conditions and her habits. If the woman wants to make the house prosperous and happy then she has to co-operate. Allah has made many rules and laws for the husband and there are many rights that he has to fulfil. In the same way there are the rights for the woman; she also has a situation that she has to live in. She has a circle of positivity and she has to have aql of how to deal with the husband. This is how she should live her life. We know that if you try to straighten a crooked stick it will break. So the woman was made from the rib of Adam alayhi salaam which was crooked, so if you try to straighten it, it will break.
A man came to the door of Hazrat Umar Farooq radhyallahu anhu with a complaint and he saw that Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu was having an exchange of words with his wife Hazrat Umme Kulthoom radhyallahu anha. This was the daughter of Hazra Ali radhyallahu anhu, the youngest daughter of Hazrat Fatima radhyallahu anha. SubhanAllah they were all related. Look at that, Hazrat Fatima radhyallahu anha was the mother-in-law of Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu. So when the man came to the door to present his complaint, he saw that there was an exchange of words between the husband and wife and that Hazrat Umme Kulthoom radhyallahu anha was speaking sharply. So he thought in his heart; I have come with the complaint of my wife and here this event is taking place inside. He thought subhanAllah, I have come with my complaint, but they are also quarrelling and having an exchange of words. He was about to leave but Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu saw him and asked him to come back. Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu asked him as to why he had come. He replied I came with a complaint about my wife that she is pestering me and giving me trouble at home. But I saw that you have a similar situation so I am going back. This was Hazrat Umar Farooq radhyllahu anhu who had a great status and was the differentiator and was always firm. He (radhyallahu anhu) replied; this is my wife and she has rights on me and I have rights on her – say subhanAllah., Allahu-Akbar – this woman has rights that I have to fulfil. Allah has given these rights and my grand Master sallalahu alayhi wa salam has explained this and I have understood this. She is a ne’mah for me in that she is a barrier for me between me and hellfire. She has saved me from haraam. For example, she is saving me from looking at this woman and that woman. There are women everywhere, we see them on the phone, and we see them everywhere. So Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu said she has saved me from the haraam and she is the barrier. The wife should know how to fulfil that role of saving her husband from haraam, do you understand what I am saying? Not that you go out with make-up and when you are at home you smell like a chilli and have spices on your clothes. When the woman goes out they put spray on and show their bodies, but when the husband comes home in the evening there is nothing but spices and oil and salt on their clothes. Tell me what will be the situation of women with husbands like this? So Hazrat Umar radhyallahu anhu said this woman has saved me from haraam, and secondly when I go out she looks after my wealth and my home. SubhanAllah look at the qualities of the wife. Thirdly she washes my clothes. Fourth point she looks after my children and brings them up nicely. Fifth thing she makes food for me and cooks for me. All these things she does for me then she has rights upon me does she not? So If I oppress her and do wrong to her then she has rights on me and she can say things to me. After hearing this the person said; oh Hazrat Umar (radhyallahu anhu) I have heard and understood this and InshAllah after this there will be no more mistake from me.
So where have these points come from and where have these teachings come from? They were learnt from the beautiful life of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam, may our lives be sacrificed upon him. Hazrat Umar Farooq radhyallahu anhu learnt from here and look at the blessed akhlaaq of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam with his wives. Hazrat ummul mu’mineen Hazrat Safia Radhyallahu anha says; I was on the journey of Hajj and the other azwaaaj-e-muta’hiraat, the other wives were also present, and my camel sat down at the back and it wouldn’t move. The other people went forward and I was left on my own and then I started to cry. Obviously, she (radhyallahu anha) was a woman and she started to cry because she was a woman and she was on her own. She (radhyallahu anha) said; I saw the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam come back and when he sallalahu alayhi wa salam saw I was crying he came to me and with his hands and his blessed sheet he started to wipe my tears. Allah humma salle aalaa sayedena wa moulana Muhammad wa aala aali hi wa baarik wa salam, how amazing was the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam that he was wiping the tears with his blessed hands and fingers and his blessed sheet, and at the same time he was explaining to her with love and affection. Hazrat Safia radhyallahu anha said I kept on crying, I was crying so much and the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam kept on comforting me and telling me not to cry and telling me that there was no problem. But I kept crying without control. Only when I would not stop the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam spoke that will you not be quiet. Allah humma salle aalaa sayedena wa moulana Muhammad, what a beautiful event. Why? Because Allah’s Nabi sallalahu alayhi wa salam is telling her that the more she is being comforted the more she is crying. Then Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam said will you listen or not. At which point Hazrat Safia radhyallahu anha said I went quiet. This is showing the natural habits and the love and affection of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam, that when she was comforted, she cried out more. Obviously the blessed hands and fingers of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam were on her face, so why would Hazrat Safia Radhyallahu anha want to stop crying. In fact she would want to cry more so that she could receive more affection and more barakah. But at the same time this was taleem from the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam who was acting as the husband and asked are you going to be quiet or not.
This is the balance and the great great teachings that when the haq is taught to us from Allah then we need to fulfil them. The rights of the wife on the husband and the rights of the husband on the wife. The rights are equal and in equilibrium. So what’s the rights of the woman Allahu akbar? The woman who dies in that state the her husband is happy with her, Allahu akbar. What a great statement that her husband is happy with her. The woman who pleases her husband throughout her life. The Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam said in tarmidhi that for her the goodness and treasures are open everywhere. Is there any guarantee greater than this for the woman who served her husband and kept him happy? And she didn’t speak nonsense and preserved in the face of difficulty. Even if the husband is angry, she had sabr and persevered. Obviously, we know the husband sometimes is taken around the corner and wound-up due to his wife and gets upset. Then it’s the right of the wife that if the husband gets angry, she should be soft and persevere a little with love and explain to him. So Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wa salam said that if she dies in the state that her husband is happy with her, then she has entered into goodness. She has obtained treasures and she has no worries. No issues and reward beyond reward. Such a great ibaadah. The worship for the woman is to please the husband. This is ibaadah. But here the women are running after divorce. He does this to me, he says this to me, he doesn’t give me my rights. This is a great ibaadah and worship. All your other ibaadah; fasting, hajj is all at the back, first please your husband.
In the hadeeth it is stated regarding the woman who prays salah five times, fasts in Ramadhan, and looks after her nafs and obeys her husband. Such a woman can go into Jannah from any door she likes. Allah humma salle aalaa sayedena wa moulana Muhammad, from any door which she likes. Whichever door of Jannah she would like to enter that door will be open. Another hadeeth about the rights of the wife and the husband; that the husband for the woman is either hell or heaven. Either she can earn heaven from the husband, or she can make him unhappy and earn hellfire. SubhanAllah, it is stated that if the woman loves her husband then she can enter paradise. SubhanAllah this is the signs of those women who love their husbands, and this is the sign that definitely they will go into paradise. How can women possibly be left out of Heaven. Such a woman that when the husband is upset, she takes the hand of the husband and says that until you are not happy, I will not go to sleep. Allah’s nabi sallalahu alayhi wa salam said that such a women who takes the hand of the husband and says until you are not happy I will not go to sleep, such a woman is going to paradise and deserves paradise. SubhanAllah, sabr, patience and perseverance. Man and woman both. When the man is patient towards the woman he will go to paradise, and when the woman is patient with regards to her husband she will go to paradise.
So brothers these are the rights with which Adam alayhi salam came from paradise down to the earth. Today if we want to make our homes paradise then follow these principles. Follow the lifestyle of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salam and follow his Shariah and InshAllah the doors of Paradise will be open for us. We have nothing to worry about. May Allah ta’ala give us all the ability and the capability to do amal on this ameen.